Friday, November 6, 2009

silver flashes


silver flashes
from a spring lake
gathering me in

Moonset 2009 Autumn/Winter Ed5 #2

I've always fallen short on Haiku maybe gathers in place of gathering would have helped?

2 comments:

  1. __We are all, of our own style... "never second guess your form, just compete with it."
    __Not attempting to be instructive, I haven't
    the credentials so to do. This, then, is just to explain my 'style,' right or wrong.

    flashes
    across this turning pond
    days end

    L1, let the reader imagine the color.
    ___(Autumn tree colors? sunset colors?)
    L2, here, gravity draws the heavier -colder- water to the pond's bottom, the warmer water rises and the pond is said to be "turning," an autumn kigo.
    _m

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  2. Your beautiful haiku

    silver flashes
    from a spring lake
    gathering me in

    And my additional verse, (renku 7+7)

    the petals falling
    as like rain

    sakuo.

    ReplyDelete